"Fear of a name only increase fear of the thing itself."
- Hermione Granger
It's night time, the stars are out, the moon has not yet risen, and I am alone.
I chose to be. But it feels like a burden.
I set off on another adventure. I ended my lease in Oregon and left my "Harry Potter" Apartment - as I so lovingly dubbed it.
After stopping in North-Eastern Tennessee to visit my much missed family, I packed up my car and drove to the East Coast of South Carolina.
I've been here less than a week, and I was beginning to feel very lost again.
While driving, or in transit, I feel alive, invigorated, and purposeful.
But upon arrival I immediately begin dreaming and planning my next long drive, just so long as it's far away from where I currently am.
It's starting to feel so pointless, why even go anywhere? But if I don't feel at rest anywhere, then there's nowhere I could go. So it's all the same it feels.
I set myself up for grand adventures and then I hide myself away, locked in my rented fortress. Sequestered into my tower...
But why??
I only just found an answer this very night. Fear and Anxiety.
How could I not recognize these two who have clung to my shadow since my earliest memories?
I thought after my discovery of "extreme ownership" that I would be freed from it all!
So I was blinded by myself yet again.
But now I know. And I have been using food to disguise the bitter taste of my own nerves.
Sweet chocolates, salty treats. And here I thought the problem was just with the food itself!
And while tonight feels like many before it, going to bed with a stretched belly and fatigue from the extra cardio, my mind has found a new path to follow. A way out.
It was unconquerable without a definition, black matter. But no longer is it a mystery!
Now I feel like a I have a purpose again. And knowledge. I can see the beast.
Next step, action.
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