Mental clarity?

Yesterday I did not cry. I cry every day at least once usually, so this is worth noting. Why? Could it have been because, while brushing my hair after breakfast, J-man asked me if I would cry that day and I responded with a timid, "no."? 

We slept upon a ridge line by a spring contaminated with metals (predominantly zinc I believe), but since all the coming water was a miles journey away from trail we took our chances.

Our hike that day was only 17 miles, but every step was a variation of rocky. Still no tears from me. Sometimes I'm even hit with what I would classify as mental clarity. A moment where I can see what I'm doing and appreciate it, the struggle, the pain, the journey, the lessons. All I can say is I hope to revel in those lucid moments and get control over my tear ducts and emotions. 

Now here are some images of yummy wild berries

Worried Sick

I cannot get these worries away from my thoughts. What worries? All of the worries! I'm worrying myself sick, insane, panicked. It now comes down to relax or suffer the rest of the trail. Finding mental clarity...

While hiking up a steep, rocky cliff here in Pennsylvania a couple days ago, my mind found strength (to my complete surprise). I recalled a text from my sister in law, Blair, that said "You are a very STRONG soul. I admire your free spirit. Love you!" As this message played in my head I thought of Blair and her strength. I decided then that I would mentally lean on her strength and she would be my personal beacon for that character trait. By the time I reached the top of the mountain I felt ecstatic. Maybe it was the endorphins, or maybe it was imagining strength in someone else whom I admired and then picturing that strength siphoning into me. It gave me something to focus on other than my own weaknesses.

Later that evening a similar event occurred. As J-man and I picked our way through boulder field after boulder field atop this ridge line the word patience came to mind. I immediately thought of my grandmother. Grandma K is one of the sweetest and most patient people I know and I dearly wished for some of her patience to get me through this tedious section of trail. It worked. I now had the strength of Blair and the patience of Grandma K. 

The next day I again found myself picking through boulders, only this time on a narrow cliff thousands of miles above the towns below. Fear and shaking limbs brought me to my butt as I slid down the craggy rocks to ensure my survival on this trek. After a breakdown and some slowing of my rapid thoughts I continued on after J-man through the larger than life rocks. A memory came to me this time in my moment of need. I recalled racing bicycles at night with my brother Joel and the feeling of adventure that he embodies so well filled that memory. I imagined Joel hopping from rock to rock as I was currently doing and what his mentality might be. He would probably be laughing and pushing himself forward to the next challenging step. I leaned on this image.

Assigning a positive quality with a person I know and love gives personality and experience to these otherwise faceless words (strength, patience, adventure). These are all things I'd hope to emulate myself, but feeling like an empty vessel I need to borrow from others in the mean time. Along with those 3 traits, I've also found perseverance in my father, love in my mother, confidence in my sister Shaile, independence in my brother David and his wife Courtney, and growth through pain in my brother Nick. I love and miss my family so much along this trail, but now as I lean on them each mentally, I can send them love with my thoughts as they help me along the Appalachian Trail.

Triple Digits

When I say triple digits I'm not referring to the number of miles J-man and I have walked, but to the miles remaining until we reach Katahden. As we passed 1,189 miles our counted down from 1,000 began. This threshold sprung trail magic (free food) upon us in droves as it happened around the 4th of July. It also brought us to the hospital.

For the past 3 days J-man has been feeling muscle weakness, general fatigue, minor headaches, and fever. As we hit 1,217 miles we decided it was time to see a doctor for fear it might be Lyme disease. I now sit in a chair beside J-man in his emergency room chamber while we are both locked in to the hospital wifi. His blood is being tested and we await his next puncture in the form of a tetanus shot, to be followed by a lumbar puncture (something in his spine), and hopefully results. 

Our journey to the ER was due not to urgency (that we were aware of), but due to his out of state Medicaid. As a new member of the health-care-toting members of society, J-man discovered the only way to use his benefits was for it to be an emergency. I'm not complaining, I got a meal out of it, and a small hiatus from the rocks. 

P.S. I replaced my Altra's with a pair a Keen Neeport H2s. Have not walked any trail miles in these pups yet.

The newbies (0 trail miles)^^

The oldies (750 trail miles)^^

And yes those are Merell inserts, the original ones wore through. 

The oldies (0 trail miles)^^