Half of it

Passing the halfway point on the Appalachian Trail means that the amount of miles we've come is larger than the miles we've left to do. J-man and I have been on the trail just under 3 months now (we started 31 March). My biggest concern at this point is that i am constantly concerned with everything, to the point of crying every day. The hardest part of this trail is dealing with myself, or actually not being able to deal with myself. I seem to have lost all my passion in every aspect of the word. My mood shifts as quickly as the terrain. My journey is to mentally find myself, calm myself. There is no guide on this. 

Harper's Ferry on the AT

In town, sitting around.

Coffee shop, waiting.

Old shoes fading. 

Yesterday J-man and I hiked past 1000 miles on the Appalahian trail, made it into Harper's Ferry, survived our trek on the "roller coaster", and finished a marathon hike in one day. My feet are torn, my body is building up a fresh supply of tears to replace the ones spent yesterday, and I've just finished reading The Jane Austen Book Club. 

Time to replace my Altra Lone Peak 2.5's? Not too far from the halfway point. 

Psychological exercises for the Appalachian Trail

As per my bad mental disposition of late, I've been in search of ways to trigger a change in perspective while hiking. In my search I've found a book by Zach Davis called Appalahian Trials that covers psychological preparation for the AT. He gives an outline for an exercise to use as a tool later if ever in doubt of why you're hiking. He says to ask yourself 3 questions and spend at least 20 minutes on each of the three pondering and writing your answers. Be descriptive, be over-descriptive, these answers will be your tools later on. My answers and the questions are as follows

I'M THRU-HIKING THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL BECAUSE...

•what I'm currently doing isn't working

•I am currently weak and need a crash course in strengthening my mind/body

•I need training in perseverance

•To see a different side of life

•I've wanted to envelope myself in nature

•to detach myself from possessions

•to learn about myself

WHEN I SUCCESSFULLY THRU HIKE THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL, I WILL...

•have persisted through the hardest thing of my life

•have an accomplishment no one can take

•have control of myself

•be a better listener

•be a better learner

•see things from a positive side

•be able to walk into a public place without feeling overwhelmed

•be able to make choices with confidence

•focus on more than myself

IF I GIVE UP ON THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL, I WILL...

•continue being the weak individual I'm unsatisfied with now

•Bare the shame of failing when everyone expected me to do just that

•give up on my relationship with Jordan

•have to go home and start over at a waitress job?

•Start eating more to fill the void

•I couldn't imagine coming back and looking my family in the eyes and saying "yeah, well I tried, but it was really hard. I'm sure you understand" the I-told-you-so's might lead me to suicidal, again

J-man and I at our first hostel stop in Waynesboro, VA